It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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