New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
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You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
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I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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