Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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