I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
