he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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