I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
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There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
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don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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