"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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