what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
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