i just google imaged poop.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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