Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
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I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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