mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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