I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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