I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize