I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize