Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(314): View more from Missouri

no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.

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(703): View more from Virginia

The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage

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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Read it at the TFLN blog
(908): View more from New Jersey

At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.

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(936): View more from Texas

Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.

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(705): View more from Ontario

I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen

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(225): View more from Louisiana

A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.

(225): View more from Louisiana

2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.

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(214): View more from Texas

Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?

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