Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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