I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
