i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
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New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize