Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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