i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
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It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
just found out that she named her cat after me.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
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I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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