States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
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No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
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The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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