i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
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literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
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I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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