This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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