Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize