what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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