i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
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I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
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Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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