Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
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in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
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What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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