your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
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"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
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Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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