put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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