Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
