were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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