My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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