Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize