You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize