Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
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I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
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But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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