You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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