how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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