Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize