I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize