I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
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I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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