Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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