my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
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I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
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YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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