I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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