take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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