i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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