By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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