Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
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I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
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I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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