Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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