but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
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Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
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Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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