What did we do last night that was yellow?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize