Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
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I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You made out with two different species that night
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I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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