So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize